Hey guys.

As Coyote said in his e-mail, I’ve created a couple of bins, one called FX and the other BG. Inside each you’ll find sound from Netmix that should be placed in each of your sequences. In most cases, I’ve tried to be specific in the sound name in order to make it easy to figure out what goes where (eg Oona’s Apartment EXT Crickets Night). In a couple of cases, I’ve placed the appropriate scene number before the  description if I felt that the placement might be confusing.

Remember, in the majority of cases and especially with backgrounds, the level of the sound should be lowered appropriately. When we cut from exterior to interior, the background should be checkerboarded so that the interior shots have the same background sound but at a lower level.

If you have any problems or questions, post on the blog and I’ll respond as soon as I can. If you feel like some effects are missing for your section, post what you feel needs to be there and I”ll track it down for you.

-Paul

Once again, this was a marked improvement from last week. We are going to be locking this week, basically, and are going to have to settle for certain things unless we get them right between now and Sunday night.

So, roll up your editing sleeves, and let’s get to work.

These are the notes that I took during the screening today. Section 2 had not changed, so my notes might not be of much use there. However, we did talk about some things after the screening today, so everyone can keep on editing.

Section 1

Scene 2

I’m feeling that we need to have some music that would begin somewhere in her waking up shot. It would carry through the top of the TiMER store.

Scene 4-5

Can we get the wide shot of them in front of the store in somewhere earlier in the scene so we can see the TiMER stuff.

Her TiMER is different in style than his. Do we have a proper pickup for this?

Try and pick up the reaction time as they’re reacting to Brian’s timer going off.

The final timer insert comes out of nowhere. You might need to motivate it with Brian looking down before the insert.

Credits

I’d like to find a way to get a credit for the class into this, so could you put the editors credit back in and we’ll figure something out — maybe someone with After Effects skills can help us out.

Section 2

Scene 20

Let’s lose the first supermarket shot — the wide shot up the aisle. I’m not sure that it buys us anything.

Section 3

Scene 21

Try adding back on a bit of her watching television. Then, when (in the footage) she turns on the television, make it like she is changing the station. Then she finds the documentary about the tiger masks.

She certainly gets that dress on pretty quickly. I think the wide shot material we talked about today will help here.

Scene 24

In addition to the notes we talked about this morning, can you see if you can get a bit of Luz entering, so Oona and she discover each other.

Section 3

Scene 26

Let’s do the big head trim I asked for in the last set of notes — begin right with Matchmaker Ron beginning the benediction (”Jesse Aaron DePaul”) and then make sure that you get to a wide shot of the scene early enough so we know what is happening.

The music sting is too abrupt. I like the idea of accenting that piece. I just find the fact that it goes away and then comes back in again so soon distracting. Try and keep the music going. Also, maybe look into another piece of music altogether.

Scene 27-29

Then treat the music like Muzak. I’ve done it for you in your v499 OUTPUT bin cut so you can see how it works. I’ve also extended the music until the exit, even though we talked about cutting the scene shorter.

Scene 32-34

The intro of the roomies still isn’t as funny as it can be. Take a look again at my notes from last time and see if you can carve out the silent space.

Scene 35

Try cutting out as the man is taking off the mask. It’s odd to return to her looking at the egg, since she doesn’t turn away from the dream man first.

Scene 3ii

The slo-mo shot doesn’t work at all, considering we’ve never done that in the film at all. Also, take a look at putting some score into the shot of her waking up and letting it run into her running on the track.

Scene 38-43

We need the phone rings to clear up what’s going on there.

There’s way too much off camera here. I think, for instance, that we need “Oh, my mistake” and “Mom found me a date” on camera at the least.

The Dr. Serious entrance doesn’t work yet, because Dorothy’s face expression is very different in the wide shot than from the previous closeup of her.

Dutch entering has always seem a bit forced. Can you smooth it out a bit.

Scene 44

The shot of Cindy on Oona’s entrance is a bit odd. Maybe it would work better if you cut to Cindy when Oona asks her to go.

Once again, I think you need to put more stuff on camera. Comedy works better when you see people deliver their lines and then create the reaction.

Section 4

I am starting to miss music around here.

Scene 46i

Does Oona notice him twice — once after the wide shot, and the second time where she used to?

Scene 48-53

Try cutting back into Oona after the entire phrase “out of my league”, and have her react to hearing the complete phrase.

The transitions out of here are beginning to work. I’m wondering if they’d work better as two long juicy dissolves.

Scene 57

This timer insert seems wrong. It should be zeroed out, not at 72 days. I’m guessing that they mean to do some After Effects work on this to make it zero out. Since we can’t do that, should we just lose it from the scene?

Scene 61-62

Can you get out of the scene without the car exiting, just on Jesse’s look or somebody.

Section 5

Scene 63

Extend the beeps as we talked about in class today — so that they provide a sound bed all of the way for the silent reactions. Maybe there can be a definitive ending sound. Paul???

Scene 68 montage area

I’m not nuts about the shape of the ending of this montage. As we discussed, can you work towards Oona enjoying herself with all of the band roomies? Then, there are too many cuts at the top of scene 70.

Scene 70

Too many cuts at the top of this. Maybe just one or two jump cuts. And the final shot should have as much head as you can get — go back even to where the director is talking to the actors.

Section 6

Scene 78

Can you add any more of this? Like from where she gets on top of him.

Can you dissolve out of the LA night shot and into the bar. Or is that weird.

Scene 80-83

Titen around “pull away.”

Section 7

Scene 85 ff

As we talked about in class, the time transitions from 85 to 84 and 86 are abrupt. I think we should keep the rearrangment, but it would be great to figure out a way to make time elapse. Perhaps there’s a time lapse shot of LA that you could use to get into the Tiger Face Mask Man at the track. I’m not sure that we really have motivated her asking him to Thanksgiving Dinner. But I’m not sure that we ever will.

Scene 91 Montage

This area is something we talked about today. It feels like we need more time elapsing again. This is the area where I thought that making the Scene 85 porch scene non-talking might help turn it into the beginning of a montage. Though we talked about that today, didn’t we.

Scene 93

Lose the discussion about the surprise nature of the party if you can. We’ve already heard this joke.

Scene 94

The line cross area around “tumbling tubleweed” is brutal and may be worse than ever. See if you can help smooth that out — the cut from the ws to Oona is really tough. Maybe you need to go to Marion first off of the wide shot.

Scene 92

The shot where Oona reaches out of frame to stop Mikey from playing with the beeper isn’t clear (that is, the action isn’t). Would it play better on the reverse angle. It strikes me that this is a good bit of business, but we don’t know what’s going on.

Section 8

Scene 96

Prelap the line “Can I ask you something?” over the exterior.  You may need to add a bit more on the establisher.

The start of the music here is a bit tough.  Not sure if it’s the position or the fade in.

Also, the cut out is a bit abrupt.

Scene 101-102

Check out some of the sound cuts here.

Do we need the “snorted it all away” line?

Section 9

You should clean up your bins here.  You’ve got way too much stuff in your output bin.  There should be a bin that is just OUTPUTS FOR COYOTE and the only thing that should be in it, is the latest version for him.  In this case - v499.

Scene 106ff

Check out my notes from last time.  This area isn’t working yet, and we need to smooth out the time transitions.

New continuity

Let’s try a version where we go from 107 to the LA turning from day to night.  Then we have Oona’s Dream, she wakes up (scene 113), and then go to Scene 111, where her timer hits zero.  Then we can gut to the Birthday Party.

Scene C115

Try a version of the Soledad scene where Jesse looks up at her from his corner and sees her all alone with her parents in the bg.  He looks again and decides to join her.  Then you could cut to the shot as her parents exit and then he enters.  See if that’s too slow.

Scene I115

Their recognition of each other is still a little clunky.  I don’t think she should smile when she first sees him.  We’re telegraphing the moment too much.  Maybe you can just have her see him in the wide shot and then begin the beeping (see my comments on scene 63 about how this should work).  Then they each look at their timers.  And remember BOTH OF THEM HAVE TIMERS!!

Section 10

Scene 117

There seems way too much emphasis on Steph in the last part of this scene.

The music coming out of this scene feels wrong coming in.  I’m not even sure that it’s the right piece.

Scene 119

The Almost Famous music should come off of the shot of Oona as she is revving up to cry.  You may need to add some to the head of it.

See about playing a little bit more of the dialogue on camera.  “Believe in the timer” is one place.  I think the cut to him would be stronger if her were directly answering the full line.

I don’t think you need to cut to Oona after “stoic”

It’s a little weird to end one music and begin a new one a few moments later.

That’s it folks.  Great work.

Class Notes 04/03/08

Thoughts/Suggestions:

• Move Oona’s Timer hits Zero to sometime during the party to attempt to create suspense. The question is what problem are we trying to solve?
  • We want to get the Oona’s Zero out scene closer to party.
  • What is value of Mikey calling in scene 106?
    • Some people get the feeling that Mikey got a Timer when they see the call from Mikey. Other people don’t feel that way.
  • What should we try?
    • Everyone Please take a look at this section scenes 106-113 and post comments on possible reordering
• Dan and Oona Zero out
  • Please look at notes from last week that Norm suggested
  • Something is not working in this scene
  • Sound is not working here
• Have the beeping sound of timers play over the looks between characters when the Timers go off

• Scene 93 — it feels like Dan and Steph are sleeping together – is this a problem?
• Montage — of Dan and Steph. Do we need it?
• Do we get Oona and Mikey’s arc of falling out of love?
  • Scene 96 put back in the line “Can I ask you a question?”
  • Feels like a Jump not an arc
  • Look at trimming scene 92 — because she hits the same emotional beat in scene 96—- lets do a version where we cut the on the nose stuff in the restaurant scene 92
• Look at trimming the end of scene 4-5 end of Oona Brian
• Scene 84-85 Time Transition is not working
• Problem with Oona’s motivation to go apologize to Mikey and invite to Thanksgiving — Take a look at the script or look at Editors cut and see if anything needs to go back in

Music:

· 2 songs that seem to stick out currently

o The song in scene 27-29? Do we want or need music here? We want music here. Question is score or song what time and when and where it comes in.

· In Scene 27-28 use the music as source in the store then cut to silence in the car. Picture cut into car from store don’t need to see them walk out

Picture Lock: Sunday April 6^th —- we will take a look at a few areas next week that are still not working.

Wow, what an amazing transformation. This kind of thing often happens around the third or fourth cut — we’re beginning to see what the movie really can be. Too bad we have to lock this week!!

NOTE: I added some comments on Wednesday, if you have time to get to them. They are in bold and italics.

Let’s take all of these notes in concert with the ones we did in class and the ones we’re beginning to get on the blog. In a few cases, I’m going to disagree with them. In the case of rearrangements and dropping of scenes, however, if there’s no big disagreement from you, let’s go with my notes on this. If all of you disagree — no problem, we’ll do it another way. But I’m going to try and bring some order into the chaos of having 10 editors and no real director.

Section One

This music is too indeterminate. Can we try something else, something that’s got more of a sense of the nightmare that she’s just come from and how she needs to work it out of her system. Then, for scene 3, let’s get her panting as she struggles to run away the dream.

Let’s move the Main Title down to the News Montage area.

Scene 5

Some of the humor of this scene is going to come from Oona’s reactions to the explanations from Patti. Can we look at the reaction shots of her to see if there are enough of them and, also, if they are right ones. More nervous is better.

Some of Brian’s hesitation before he signs is overwrought. Can you trim it down a bit?

Around “watch you squirm” etc. we should see Oona again, being nervous. Is this guy REALLY what she wants? In the latyer scene when she tells Steph that Brian isn’t her one, it’d be great if we felt something more for this decision. Some of that will have to come here, since we’re on Oona’s back in scene 16.

Can you get to the “blank timer” line right after Brian’s line — maybe even a tiny little overlap?

Check your dialogue edits here. Make sure they’re not upcut.

Scene 7-14

Good work on the montage. As we discussed, let’s put the credits in here and see if you can’t help spice up the talking heads.

We’re going to need to work on the music as well.

Let’s put the years on the news items so we can put some context on here.

Section 2

Scene 15

Let’s cut out everything with Trevor and get out of the scene after Oona and Steph hang up on each other. Find a funny button. I don’t think we learn anything from the Trevor section of the scene that we don’t already know from the first half. The only thing we’d lose is the very small gag of the panties. Get out after the “underwear” line and maybe a look from Steph to Trevor.

Scene 16

Tail trim after “Really?”

Scene 21

Begin with her watching television already. If you put in a stock shot of Los Angeles, then you can prelap the sound over it. Then you can come into her shot and then the shot of the television for the look from the hunter. Then cut to Oona. It’s this look that haunts her and so she turns off the television.

We need some more wide shots in here to see the geographic relationship of the two of them. We also don’t really get the joke of “absolutely not” because we don’t see the dress. There are a couple of other places where a wide would help us get a breath and build a joke.

Scene 24

I agree with Tracy. Is there any way to lose Marion’s comment about Luz? Also, I’d still like to try and lose Marion’s “Brian wasn’t right for you.” Or, perhaps, there’s a reading where she seems sympathetic when she says it?

Section 3

Scene 26

Let’s take a big head trim so we begin with Ron starting the ceremony and losing the introductions.

Check for jump cuts in the close up of Oona.

Cut the “gay” joke. It hasn’t gotten a laugh once in all of our screenings.

Scene 29

Let’s see one version where you make the music into Muzak at the cut to inside the supermarket (much lower, roll off alot of the bottom and top end) and keep it running like that all of the way until the car to the car interior.

When Oona calls “Hey” you should have Mikey turn towards her.

The “do you want me to repeat it” gag doesn’t work yet. we need to see her react to the fact that he’s not reacting. Then she says it, then he starts moving and doing the loudspeaker joke. (Which also isn’t quite working yet.)

Do they need to walk all of the way out?

Scene 31

Let’s try cutting out after “Cool” and her sigh.

Scene 32

Play the shot of the four guys silent and then cut to Oona and Mikey for a silent beat before his line. Make it awkward.

Since Retch does the high five in both angles, why don’t you cut out of the Retch shot right after he says”Uma Thurman” and then get her reaction immediately. Might be funnier.

The cut out of the bedroom to the dream is a bit awkward. You might need to hold a bit longer. Then play the sound of the range top turning on, the way it calls for in the script, like Kelly did in scene 1.

Scene 35

Isn’t there a more on-mic performance from the Man? Use that. It’s hard to understand what he’s saying.

Lose the “what did you do with my egg?”

Help the transition with sound effects.

Running On Track

I agree with you. This needs to have some more differentiation from the first track scene.

The scene plays a little too slowly. Is there something in the way of music that we can try for here? Otherwise, let’s make sure that the boiling water sound is there.

Scene 38-43

Put in sound effects to help sell some of the cuts. Oona’s phone ringing, for instance.

Scene 44

The cutting at the top of this scene is choppy. The shot of the nurse is real short and I”m not sure we need it up there. It also looks like she is avoiding looking up at Mikey at the top in order to make the joke work, so try and get into her closeup quickly, before she notices him. Then it takes a long time for her to react and you to cut around to what she sees. Pick up the pace a bit here.

is there a jump cut on her closeup. Around “cute.”

There seems to be too much off camera dialogue in the second half of the scene.

Section 4

Scene 48-53

Can you recut the music to get to an instrumental portion during their dialogue

The music start is still awkward — you’re right. Did you try right after her sigh? Or a tiny bit earlier than you’ve got now, but a slower entrance. Much more gradual, so we feel it where it enters right now.

The transition out of this scene is awkward because of the rearrangement. Try a Los Angeles dawn shot, and cut to one of the apartment shots that says that we’re not at Mikey’s.

Scene 54

The cut to Dan in the middle of the line after “fascinating” is odd. I’m not sure why you chose that word to cut during. Try sliding the cut a bit later or earlier.

Scene 60-62

The car effects bother me here. In particular the one that makes the cut into Scene 63. Let’s make the sound in Scene 63 of the car, lower than in 62 (I know this bridges yours and Megan’s cuts). Also, it would be nice to have the car sound pulling in at the top of the school scene.

Can we be on Marion for “no stone unturned” since it shows up in another scene as well?

Is there a jump cut in here. It’s hard to tell from my cut.

Section 5

Scene 63

Keep the beeping going longer between the two of them.

Does anyone miss the end of this scene? I think that it cuts out rather abruptly. Can you hold a bit longer on the two of them before cutting? If not, let’s select a better line to go out on.

Scene 64

I miss the line “You make a good point.” before the cut. Try putting it back in.

Montage

This is getting real good. I think that the addition of those other shots is helping, though the one of the two of them on the couch is a bit slow. Can you do a jump cut thing in there as well, like you did for the grocery store?

Also, the group cheering at the end would work better, I think, if there were one or two cuts of that shot earlier in the montage. I know you’ve got everything cut as a block here, but maybe if you found the pieces that had some growth to them with the group and dropped them in three times in the montage — so they grew in excitement — ending with the cheer it would work better.

The cut to the bedroom is a bit touch though. It would be better if the first shot of Scene 70 felt like the last scene of the montage — like if they were just lying in bed (jump cut??, if possible) for a bit before the dialogue began.

Section 6

Scene 77-79

The music still isn’t working in the bar.

The transition from scene 78 to 79 still needs a night time LA shot or something. I don’t know what came in with the pickups but use them or, more likely, some of the stock that I found or something that you find.

Section 7

The music bridge from scene 83 to this section isn’t working. I know that this bridges scenes, but we’ll have to figure out something that makes sense here.

Let’s put Scene 85 up before scene 84. This is too abrupt without it. Also, see if you can do an abbreviated version of the scene, either where they don’t talk at all, but just look at each other, or one in which they just get the telemarketer. let’s not have them talk about the issue at all.

Scene 87-90

We’re on the Oona shot while she introduces everyone for a long time. I think we need something to cut away to.

Then I also miss her introducing him.

Scene 91

This is now part of a mini-montage which includes Scene 67. It would be great if we could make this more of a thing. Is there another shot of Oona and Mikey together that would make this a three shot montage? Also, the dolly with Dan and Steph is really slow. Can you do a series of dissolves which give it a lyrical feel and ellide time? Or maybe jump cut? or do something else that picks it up a bit?

Scene 93

We discussed trimming out some of Dutch’s more offensive material at the top and also smoothing out the transition around the big dialogue lift. Maybe you don’t even need the exchange at the end. Dutch can observe Steph and Dan talking about the party and, after STeph leaves, the two of them could exchange knowing glances (referring back to the widow Robinson??).

Section 8

Scene 96

The transition into this scene is tough, now that we’ve moved it around. I think we need that exterior shot of Mikey’s or of Los Angeles to go before this. Also, if there is a piece from the later coverage shot that you could use to create an awkward silence at the top of the scene, that might be good.

Scene 101-103

Look into taking a list after “But Marion never told you that.” and Oona’s reaction. I don’t really care about the pile of money stuff.

Scene 110

The transition into this scene is a bit abrupt. I know we don’t want to have Oona exit the frame but the cut to the lights on is weird. Maybe you need to end with Marion at the end of 109? Keep massaging this cut.

The “pink rubber bands” is getting better but it still isn’t funny enough. I think it needs as big a pause as you can give it before she says the line, and then make Oona’s reaction as funny as you can. Look at other silent reactions she has from other parts of the scene.

I also don’t think the prelap of “Hell yeah” works at all. give Oona her moment of thinking, so that propels her into the decision.

I think that the track is getting a little bare throughout here. Maybe we need to have some sort of score that accentuates that Oona is thinking about what Soledad is saying (beginning, maybe, somehwere around “but he has these long eyelashes” and it would begin on Oona’s shot. It would then carry through the start of the TiMER store.

Scene 104

Take a look at what happens if you add back a lot more onto the entrance of them into the store. Maybe even as much as you can. The music that I was talking about from Scene 110 could play over that.

Put a reaction to Steph’s “editorial comments” line. 

Section 9

Scene 106-107

What happens if you dissolve through this transition rather than fading in and out? Can you get the daytime Oona to emerge out of the night time Oona’s sighing?

The fade out/fade in to Scene 111 is also a bit forced. Try and put in a Los Angeles day to night exterior.

The music is also not working, I think. It doesn’t have the sense of loss and it also tends to stay the same all the way through. It should grow more sad or more… something.. and then change going into the dream.

It also cuts out rather abruptly in a way that doesn’t feel natural. If possible, see if the music can be gradually taken over by the beeping of the alarm and then disappear.

Also, use the proper insert of the timer zeroing out.

Scene 113

On the other hand, musically, if you’ve got the proper music, it might be able to go all of the way through this scene and into the top of the party, allowing the source music from the party to take over.

I don’t think you need to hold on so long on this scene We’re not going to do the light changing gag, so cut out when you think we’ve got the sense of her not wanting to meet this day and this party.

Can Jesse think for a little bit longer before getting up and going to Soledad? Does the shot of Soledad at the bar include her sitting into it at the top? It would be interesting if you could double cut tJessee looking up at her, to help him get the courage to cross over to her, especially if he saw her parents leave first.

The cut to Jessee starting to talk seems a bit abrupt. Take a look at it — it’s probably just a matter of frames.

In fact, all of the cuts back and forth between the two of them after his speech seem a bit quick. Think about what is going on here in terms of the struggle he’s having and what Soledad has told Oona back in the orthodontist office and go for that timing.

Overall, the music tends to flatten out most of the scene. Try looking for something else through here.

Lose Paul’s “Paul!” and “Just wanted to be included.” It’s absolutely impossible to see who is saying the lines and the joke can’t work unless we do.

Sound effects wise — both of their timers need to go off. Use the same sound effects as in Scene 63. Organize this with Megan. Note that I’ve given her a note to keep the beeping running longer between Soledad and Jesse.

Can we hold a bit longer on the head and the tail before Steph’s “You got a timer.” I don’t really see her say that and I’d like to see how this affects her.

The same with her turning and running off.

I like Marion saying “Hi” to Dan, but I don’t think they need to introduce themselves unless we get a laugh there. I don’t think we ever have.

Scene 116

Add a “Mikey!” call from her right after the cut into this scene.

Section 10

Scene 117

Look into the cutting around “No you don’t.” It seems like we’re not on him long enough, and then we’re on her for a long time. Maybe you can punch up some of the jokes a bit more by cutting to her or away from her on the funnier bits.

Is “unforgivable bitch” on mic anywhere?

Look into the cutting around “Okay. All right. So this is where we are?” I’d like to see how STeph is reacting to some of this before you actually cut to her.

I think the “Your my favorite person” would work better if you were STeph for the line before it. This means that you’ll also have to change some of the cutting pattern before that as well.

The entrance of the music is in an odd place. Seems like a little earlier would be better. Somewhere around the “favorite person” area.

I’m also not sure that this is the best music choice either.

Titles

Good place holders, but these titles are going to go up at the top, so these will be more like a normal end crawl. Keep them there for now, but we’re going to be replacing them.

1. Open your  project up in Avid
2. Click on the “Info” tab in the bin that houses all your bins, settings, etc.
3. Click on the “hardware” button
4. Click on “Avid Unity Drives”
5.  There should be a graphic displaying the amount of used space. You should be no higher than 85%

Class Notes 3/27/08

Overall Thoughts on Cut:

• Like the characters better this cut
• Humor is coming across better
• Jesse is working better – see he likes Soledad
• Rules of Timer are clearer in this cut
• Want to see Jesse — zeroing out

71-72 Jesse and Soledad in Room

• Should we cut it to show more interest from Soledad in Jesse?
• How does Soledad’s scene in the dentist chair impact scene 71-72 if we change it?
• Norm: Lets take a look at changing 71-72 to show more interest from both Jesse and Soledad

What did break in this Cut?

• Some part of Scene 85 needs to go back into the film?
• Do we need running joke of Telemarketer? Or is what we have in this cut enough?
• 92 “Age ain’t nothing but a number up against 96 boobs and birthdays is rough and hits the same beat back to back
• 93 Dan/Steph/Dutch needs a few lines back in (keep out back story about Dutch) keep jokes between Steph and Dutch take out it is so much easier when they just…..

What is working:

• We don’t need to see Mikey give note to Jesse
• 92 Age ain’t… after 94 Oona/Marion argue
• Like taking out 98 Ona/steph leave Shady Pines early

Look at:

• 96 Oona talk about boobs — look at and see if anything to trim but make sure that we still give Oona something to get mad at
• Need to take out “What did you do with my egg” from Tracy section Scene 35
• Look at Oona running on the track in Tracy’s section
• News Montage?
  • Long?
  • Try doing news stuff with title cards
  • Put the years on there so we understand the timeline

Music

• Like Music at end and when Oona and Mikey are in bed 48-53
• Start music later in 119 — look for lean forward moments to put music in
• 26 – Jesse gets timer music could start as they start to lean in to see what is going to happen — there might not be room for music
• Music and dialogue — sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t
  • Coming out of the bar and going into the bedroom lets look for a place in the song without lyrics so it moves into score
• Be aware of the lyrics and what they are saying about the characters
• 96-97 brining in music to early? Can we accent this emotional moment with music?

The new v399 continuity is up on the continuity page (click on the link above or right here).

Note that this continuity may not be accurate since it is based on notes that I’ve taken and that I’ve seen posted from you folks.  Hopefully I’ll be able to correct it after tomorrow’s screening.

I was going to add these as a comment in the other post, but they got too long — surprise, surprise. So I’ll put them in here now.

There aren’t very many notes already posted and some of what is already up there seems a bit slight, so I’m going to kick in with a few here as well. The point is that, without deep self-analysis, the recutting process doesn’t work.

Scene 4-5

This scene seems a little flat, as if we stripped some of the sense of humor out. The cut into the backroom scene seems a bit abrupt and I wonder if we’re playing enough of the humor on Oona here.

The news montage needs work. I’m thinking that we should take it all out and see if we lose the information. The titles that I had Coyote import for you might help you get into and out of the pieces so they’re more voice over than visual, so give that a try first. Still, I’m thinking that, for this screening, let’s try and take everything out and see what falls apart. DO put the titles in, however.

Scene 15.
What would happen if we cut out everything with Trevor and cut out of the scene after Oona and STeph hang up on each other. Find a funny button. I don’t think we learn anything from the Trevor section of the scene that we don’t already know from the first half. The only thing we’d lose is the very small gag of the panties.

Scene 20
I’m still confused by the closeup of the TiMER. Can you make it so Mikey lifts up his hand and, after she sees his TiMER, she lifts up her hand to show him hers. Make it more conscious an action.

Scene 21
Let’s begin the scene with the television already on. She’s watching the Discovery Channel, or she is watching something else (sound only) and then changes the channel. Also, when the hunter on the television turns around, cut to Oona as if he’s looking at her.

Scene 22
I have a note here to cut the cat stuff out entirely. But didn’t we do that already? If not, get rid of it for this cut.

Scene 24
Lose Marion’s line about “Brian wasn’t your one.”

The 180 degree line cross bothers me on one cut.

Scene 26
The cutting in this scene seems a bit choppy to me.

The “I’m not gay” has never gotten a laugh. let’s see what happens if we cut it out. Lets also lose the “head between your knees Mom” line, since that feels clunky here.

I’m still struggling to find Oona’s place in this — surrounded by a kooky family that is concerned about the status quo — that is, making sure that everyone has a TiMER. We also want to see Marion’s investment in the TiMER.

Scene 27-29
I’m missing some of the notes from last time. We still seem to hang too long on Oona in the car. I still want to see Mikey taken by surprise by Oona’s first line to him. And I also still think we can lose Nelson’s line. I also would like to see what happens if we turn the music leading into the scene into Muzak when we enter the supermarket. Right now the music ducking in and around the action feels Mickey Mouse’d.

Scene 32-34
This is a good first cut on the new scene but it needs cleaning up. For one thing, the first shot should be the punchline to the joke at the end of the exterior scene. “I’m pretty sure they’re out” BOOM. There they are. Sitting there. It takes too long to get to the interior. Get out as soon as you can after his last line outside. Then cut to the roommates first and then to Oona in shock. This is not what she’s counted on. Allow the silent moment to play and then Mikey jumps in to save it.

Can we see him say “That’s Retch.” I lose it now.

I feel that there should be a reaction to “Whoa.”

Once we get inside the bedroom I’d still like to see what she sees more quickly. Right now I’m not tracking the beginning of her regret.

Scene 35
This dream shouldn’t have her asking about the egg — that comes later. I doubt that you need to hold on the wide shot long enough to get her up out of bed.

Running on Track
I had asked you to put a cheated shot from scene 3 in here. Maybe the sound of breathing can precede the cut. Maybe you only need the low angle wide shot of the track, then she enters and run away from us?

Scene 38-43
I think we need to see more of Oona talking about Mom setting her up on a date.

I also think we need to see more back and forth between the old lady and Steph.

Scene 44
Good first cut, but we really need to focus this scene now.

It takes a very long time to come around to Mikey after Oona stumbles and notices him.

There’s a jump cut on Oona’s shot as Mikey is asking her the question about braces. But I’d also like to see him during some of the question.

The “hang out” line sets up her line later where she asks him to hang out, so can we see that on camera?

I feel the need to see Mikey a bit more than I do right now. It’s great to focus on Oona, but we need to see what it is that she’s reacting to in order to get her smile and her other reactions.

Much of Oona’s inner psyche is set up in this scene so we should make sure that we get her reasons for turning him down.

Scene 45
WE need a funnier button to this scene.

Scene 48-53
Lets lose the entire Bangles joke. Not the first mention, but the second one at the doorway. Let’s see if we can get out of the scene much earlier, and get into the bedroom more quickly.

The start of the romantic music seems a bit forced. Why don’t you bring the score music in as Oona looks at Mikey, not on his shot. The start of music accents the moment and I’d like to see if we can accent her.

Scene 56
The transition to this is problematic. I like moving the scene here, but we need something to bridge the two bed scenes, otherwise we’ll think we’re in the same room. Exterior of Oona’s??

Scene 54
Where did Margaret go? She needs to exit.

Scene 59
Let’s cut out this hallway walk altogether and just have the women pick him up from school.

Scene 60
Start the scene with the closeup of the radio and the voice over filtered so we nail that joke.

The scene will be helped if you add some sound effects of driving.

Scene 61-62
Add some sound of the car pulling up.

Scene 63
Keep the beeping going longer, underneath the kids looking at each other.

The end of the scene seems to peter out.

Scene 65
Try and lose the “number five” bit and have her approach him directly.

Montage
You had a great idea in the additional cut you gave me. This involved simplifying. We’ll also remove Scene 61 and move it into Section 7 (sam’s section). I like ending on the cheering, so see if you can keep that.

We also talked about perhaps cheating the first part of scene 78 into the montage (just a tiny tiny bit of it) since we never show Mikey on top of Oona in that scene. let’s see if we can get away with that.

Scene 70
Try staring on the hi angle WS. This scene is generally too long. See what you can do to tighten it up.

Is there a shot that you can put in to bridge the cut into the next scene of Jessee and Soledad in his room?

Scene 76
Is the “OK yeah” stuff cheated in from another take? It looks out of sync to me.

Scene 78/79
It doesn’t seem like enough time goes by. Is there anything we can do to help the passage of time between these two scenes. Can we still a night exterior shot from somewhere?

SCene 80-83
The music at the end of this scene doesn’t really begin. Let’s do it prominently, but notice the upcoming change.

Scene 85
Let’s lose this scene altogether and see if the running gag wth the telemarketers looks weird. Also, let’s see if there is a motivation for her going back to Mikey.

Scene 87-90
Can we lose the guacomole action? Or, at least, lose the tilt down from the two of them to the chips in the bowl. That way we’ll get to Marion’s “I’m sure” faster.

The drinking after the toast goes on too long.

The interaction with SOledad around her knowing Chuckbeef takes too long. Can you trim out some pauses here? If we could lose the entire upchuck gag that would be great, but if not at least make it happen faster.

Try and take a head trim so he doesn’t cough and go “excuse me”

Do we need the last closeup of Oona in the scene.

Scenes 91ff
We’re going to try a new continuity here. How about this?

We go from the Thanksgiving Dinner to Scene 67 and 91 as a pair. Then go to Scene 93 (a shorter version of this — do we need this much of Dutch?), then 95, then 94, then 92, then 96.

Scene 98
The music in and out is weird. Can the music keep going through the walk up to Rick’s? This will require different music but that’s not bad.

Scene 102
Stay in the wide shot longer.

Get out of the scene before Oona’s exit. Trim a lot of Rick’s story. I’m not sure we need to know that he hasn’t zeroed out yet, for instance.

Scene 103
Put back in the scene with Delphine.

Try and put some transition in before Scene 108

Scene 108-110
Some of the cheated over the shoulder dialogue looks way out of sync.

Scene 104-105
It looks like you could take some cuts at the top of the scene 105.

The music in this scene gets in the way of the dialogue.

AT the lift, could you have Oona turn to Steph.

Scene 106
Whatever music is going on here should keep going all the way though 107 and the LA at night, and Oona’s timer hitting zero and her dream. Then it can be interrupted by the alarm.

Party
The music and walla balance is odd.  The walla sounds especially unreal.

Let’s try and lose the entire scne where Luz talks to Marion.

 Scene 117
I feel the need for more music in here, especially as we go into scene 118 and 119.

Scene 119
Can we look for some music as they’re by the sink.

General Comments

This is just the surface of the questions we can ask ourselves.  I hope you’re beginning to see just what we can be experimenting with in terms of story telling and emotional arcs, so long as we know whose emotions we want to follow

Here is the place where you can post your notes on yesterday’s cut.

556 - Class Notes 3/13/08

Where is it working and why? Where is it not working and why?

Initial reactions:

• How do we feel about Mikey?
  • Taking out of the lesbian sex line – some people like Mikey more with line out – some people miss the line
  • Feel less attached to Mikey this time
  • Keeping all jokes in makes Mikey one dimensional — and we don’t believe that he could be Oona’s one.
  • How do you deal with contradictory comments/feedback?
    • Go back to script and check in.
      • Still Oona’s story? YES
• Getting to know Steph better in this cut and like her more
• Scene R120 – Oona/Steph make up - what would the scene be like if we take lines out about Mikey
• Timer
  • If we can remove some of the steps with the Timer – no big beeping when you zero out – beeps when you lock eyes with your “one”
  • Lots of different beeps right now - even with same beeps it will be confusing
  • Need to simplify
  • Concept of zeroing out is there and integral to the film
  • Rules of timer are a little confusing still
    • What are the rules we want to say? The simpler the better
    • Time zeros out on the day you are going to meet them and beeps when you see them
    • The focus is on when you meet them we are not going to play up the zero out The big moment we are going for is the meeting
    • Need to make eye contact for the timer to start beeping
    • Need to design a different sound for timer turning on vs timer connecting
• J115 – Dan is the One – need them to look at each other
  • Oona is playing the end of scene at beginning – she is ahead of the plot
• Timer inserts hold them long enough for us to help tell the story