USC’s Advanced Editing

Wow, what an amazing transformation. This kind of thing often happens around the third or fourth cut — we’re beginning to see what the movie really can be. Too bad we have to lock this week!!

NOTE: I added some comments on Wednesday, if you have time to get to them. They are in bold and italics.

Let’s take all of these notes in concert with the ones we did in class and the ones we’re beginning to get on the blog. In a few cases, I’m going to disagree with them. In the case of rearrangements and dropping of scenes, however, if there’s no big disagreement from you, let’s go with my notes on this. If all of you disagree — no problem, we’ll do it another way. But I’m going to try and bring some order into the chaos of having 10 editors and no real director.

Section One

This music is too indeterminate. Can we try something else, something that’s got more of a sense of the nightmare that she’s just come from and how she needs to work it out of her system. Then, for scene 3, let’s get her panting as she struggles to run away the dream.

Let’s move the Main Title down to the News Montage area.

Scene 5

Some of the humor of this scene is going to come from Oona’s reactions to the explanations from Patti. Can we look at the reaction shots of her to see if there are enough of them and, also, if they are right ones. More nervous is better.

Some of Brian’s hesitation before he signs is overwrought. Can you trim it down a bit?

Around “watch you squirm” etc. we should see Oona again, being nervous. Is this guy REALLY what she wants? In the latyer scene when she tells Steph that Brian isn’t her one, it’d be great if we felt something more for this decision. Some of that will have to come here, since we’re on Oona’s back in scene 16.

Can you get to the “blank timer” line right after Brian’s line — maybe even a tiny little overlap?

Check your dialogue edits here. Make sure they’re not upcut.

Scene 7-14

Good work on the montage. As we discussed, let’s put the credits in here and see if you can’t help spice up the talking heads.

We’re going to need to work on the music as well.

Let’s put the years on the news items so we can put some context on here.

Section 2

Scene 15

Let’s cut out everything with Trevor and get out of the scene after Oona and Steph hang up on each other. Find a funny button. I don’t think we learn anything from the Trevor section of the scene that we don’t already know from the first half. The only thing we’d lose is the very small gag of the panties. Get out after the “underwear” line and maybe a look from Steph to Trevor.

Scene 16

Tail trim after “Really?”

Scene 21

Begin with her watching television already. If you put in a stock shot of Los Angeles, then you can prelap the sound over it. Then you can come into her shot and then the shot of the television for the look from the hunter. Then cut to Oona. It’s this look that haunts her and so she turns off the television.

We need some more wide shots in here to see the geographic relationship of the two of them. We also don’t really get the joke of “absolutely not” because we don’t see the dress. There are a couple of other places where a wide would help us get a breath and build a joke.

Scene 24

I agree with Tracy. Is there any way to lose Marion’s comment about Luz? Also, I’d still like to try and lose Marion’s “Brian wasn’t right for you.” Or, perhaps, there’s a reading where she seems sympathetic when she says it?

Section 3

Scene 26

Let’s take a big head trim so we begin with Ron starting the ceremony and losing the introductions.

Check for jump cuts in the close up of Oona.

Cut the “gay” joke. It hasn’t gotten a laugh once in all of our screenings.

Scene 29

Let’s see one version where you make the music into Muzak at the cut to inside the supermarket (much lower, roll off alot of the bottom and top end) and keep it running like that all of the way until the car to the car interior.

When Oona calls “Hey” you should have Mikey turn towards her.

The “do you want me to repeat it” gag doesn’t work yet. we need to see her react to the fact that he’s not reacting. Then she says it, then he starts moving and doing the loudspeaker joke. (Which also isn’t quite working yet.)

Do they need to walk all of the way out?

Scene 31

Let’s try cutting out after “Cool” and her sigh.

Scene 32

Play the shot of the four guys silent and then cut to Oona and Mikey for a silent beat before his line. Make it awkward.

Since Retch does the high five in both angles, why don’t you cut out of the Retch shot right after he says”Uma Thurman” and then get her reaction immediately. Might be funnier.

The cut out of the bedroom to the dream is a bit awkward. You might need to hold a bit longer. Then play the sound of the range top turning on, the way it calls for in the script, like Kelly did in scene 1.

Scene 35

Isn’t there a more on-mic performance from the Man? Use that. It’s hard to understand what he’s saying.

Lose the “what did you do with my egg?”

Help the transition with sound effects.

Running On Track

I agree with you. This needs to have some more differentiation from the first track scene.

The scene plays a little too slowly. Is there something in the way of music that we can try for here? Otherwise, let’s make sure that the boiling water sound is there.

Scene 38-43

Put in sound effects to help sell some of the cuts. Oona’s phone ringing, for instance.

Scene 44

The cutting at the top of this scene is choppy. The shot of the nurse is real short and I”m not sure we need it up there. It also looks like she is avoiding looking up at Mikey at the top in order to make the joke work, so try and get into her closeup quickly, before she notices him. Then it takes a long time for her to react and you to cut around to what she sees. Pick up the pace a bit here.

is there a jump cut on her closeup. Around “cute.”

There seems to be too much off camera dialogue in the second half of the scene.

Section 4

Scene 48-53

Can you recut the music to get to an instrumental portion during their dialogue

The music start is still awkward — you’re right. Did you try right after her sigh? Or a tiny bit earlier than you’ve got now, but a slower entrance. Much more gradual, so we feel it where it enters right now.

The transition out of this scene is awkward because of the rearrangement. Try a Los Angeles dawn shot, and cut to one of the apartment shots that says that we’re not at Mikey’s.

Scene 54

The cut to Dan in the middle of the line after “fascinating” is odd. I’m not sure why you chose that word to cut during. Try sliding the cut a bit later or earlier.

Scene 60-62

The car effects bother me here. In particular the one that makes the cut into Scene 63. Let’s make the sound in Scene 63 of the car, lower than in 62 (I know this bridges yours and Megan’s cuts). Also, it would be nice to have the car sound pulling in at the top of the school scene.

Can we be on Marion for “no stone unturned” since it shows up in another scene as well?

Is there a jump cut in here. It’s hard to tell from my cut.

Section 5

Scene 63

Keep the beeping going longer between the two of them.

Does anyone miss the end of this scene? I think that it cuts out rather abruptly. Can you hold a bit longer on the two of them before cutting? If not, let’s select a better line to go out on.

Scene 64

I miss the line “You make a good point.” before the cut. Try putting it back in.

Montage

This is getting real good. I think that the addition of those other shots is helping, though the one of the two of them on the couch is a bit slow. Can you do a jump cut thing in there as well, like you did for the grocery store?

Also, the group cheering at the end would work better, I think, if there were one or two cuts of that shot earlier in the montage. I know you’ve got everything cut as a block here, but maybe if you found the pieces that had some growth to them with the group and dropped them in three times in the montage — so they grew in excitement — ending with the cheer it would work better.

The cut to the bedroom is a bit touch though. It would be better if the first shot of Scene 70 felt like the last scene of the montage — like if they were just lying in bed (jump cut??, if possible) for a bit before the dialogue began.

Section 6

Scene 77-79

The music still isn’t working in the bar.

The transition from scene 78 to 79 still needs a night time LA shot or something. I don’t know what came in with the pickups but use them or, more likely, some of the stock that I found or something that you find.

Section 7

The music bridge from scene 83 to this section isn’t working. I know that this bridges scenes, but we’ll have to figure out something that makes sense here.

Let’s put Scene 85 up before scene 84. This is too abrupt without it. Also, see if you can do an abbreviated version of the scene, either where they don’t talk at all, but just look at each other, or one in which they just get the telemarketer. let’s not have them talk about the issue at all.

Scene 87-90

We’re on the Oona shot while she introduces everyone for a long time. I think we need something to cut away to.

Then I also miss her introducing him.

Scene 91

This is now part of a mini-montage which includes Scene 67. It would be great if we could make this more of a thing. Is there another shot of Oona and Mikey together that would make this a three shot montage? Also, the dolly with Dan and Steph is really slow. Can you do a series of dissolves which give it a lyrical feel and ellide time? Or maybe jump cut? or do something else that picks it up a bit?

Scene 93

We discussed trimming out some of Dutch’s more offensive material at the top and also smoothing out the transition around the big dialogue lift. Maybe you don’t even need the exchange at the end. Dutch can observe Steph and Dan talking about the party and, after STeph leaves, the two of them could exchange knowing glances (referring back to the widow Robinson??).

Section 8

Scene 96

The transition into this scene is tough, now that we’ve moved it around. I think we need that exterior shot of Mikey’s or of Los Angeles to go before this. Also, if there is a piece from the later coverage shot that you could use to create an awkward silence at the top of the scene, that might be good.

Scene 101-103

Look into taking a list after “But Marion never told you that.” and Oona’s reaction. I don’t really care about the pile of money stuff.

Scene 110

The transition into this scene is a bit abrupt. I know we don’t want to have Oona exit the frame but the cut to the lights on is weird. Maybe you need to end with Marion at the end of 109? Keep massaging this cut.

The “pink rubber bands” is getting better but it still isn’t funny enough. I think it needs as big a pause as you can give it before she says the line, and then make Oona’s reaction as funny as you can. Look at other silent reactions she has from other parts of the scene.

I also don’t think the prelap of “Hell yeah” works at all. give Oona her moment of thinking, so that propels her into the decision.

I think that the track is getting a little bare throughout here. Maybe we need to have some sort of score that accentuates that Oona is thinking about what Soledad is saying (beginning, maybe, somehwere around “but he has these long eyelashes” and it would begin on Oona’s shot. It would then carry through the start of the TiMER store.

Scene 104

Take a look at what happens if you add back a lot more onto the entrance of them into the store. Maybe even as much as you can. The music that I was talking about from Scene 110 could play over that.

Put a reaction to Steph’s “editorial comments” line. 

Section 9

Scene 106-107

What happens if you dissolve through this transition rather than fading in and out? Can you get the daytime Oona to emerge out of the night time Oona’s sighing?

The fade out/fade in to Scene 111 is also a bit forced. Try and put in a Los Angeles day to night exterior.

The music is also not working, I think. It doesn’t have the sense of loss and it also tends to stay the same all the way through. It should grow more sad or more… something.. and then change going into the dream.

It also cuts out rather abruptly in a way that doesn’t feel natural. If possible, see if the music can be gradually taken over by the beeping of the alarm and then disappear.

Also, use the proper insert of the timer zeroing out.

Scene 113

On the other hand, musically, if you’ve got the proper music, it might be able to go all of the way through this scene and into the top of the party, allowing the source music from the party to take over.

I don’t think you need to hold on so long on this scene We’re not going to do the light changing gag, so cut out when you think we’ve got the sense of her not wanting to meet this day and this party.

Can Jesse think for a little bit longer before getting up and going to Soledad? Does the shot of Soledad at the bar include her sitting into it at the top? It would be interesting if you could double cut tJessee looking up at her, to help him get the courage to cross over to her, especially if he saw her parents leave first.

The cut to Jessee starting to talk seems a bit abrupt. Take a look at it — it’s probably just a matter of frames.

In fact, all of the cuts back and forth between the two of them after his speech seem a bit quick. Think about what is going on here in terms of the struggle he’s having and what Soledad has told Oona back in the orthodontist office and go for that timing.

Overall, the music tends to flatten out most of the scene. Try looking for something else through here.

Lose Paul’s “Paul!” and “Just wanted to be included.” It’s absolutely impossible to see who is saying the lines and the joke can’t work unless we do.

Sound effects wise — both of their timers need to go off. Use the same sound effects as in Scene 63. Organize this with Megan. Note that I’ve given her a note to keep the beeping running longer between Soledad and Jesse.

Can we hold a bit longer on the head and the tail before Steph’s “You got a timer.” I don’t really see her say that and I’d like to see how this affects her.

The same with her turning and running off.

I like Marion saying “Hi” to Dan, but I don’t think they need to introduce themselves unless we get a laugh there. I don’t think we ever have.

Scene 116

Add a “Mikey!” call from her right after the cut into this scene.

Section 10

Scene 117

Look into the cutting around “No you don’t.” It seems like we’re not on him long enough, and then we’re on her for a long time. Maybe you can punch up some of the jokes a bit more by cutting to her or away from her on the funnier bits.

Is “unforgivable bitch” on mic anywhere?

Look into the cutting around “Okay. All right. So this is where we are?” I’d like to see how STeph is reacting to some of this before you actually cut to her.

I think the “Your my favorite person” would work better if you were STeph for the line before it. This means that you’ll also have to change some of the cutting pattern before that as well.

The entrance of the music is in an odd place. Seems like a little earlier would be better. Somewhere around the “favorite person” area.

I’m also not sure that this is the best music choice either.

Titles

Good place holders, but these titles are going to go up at the top, so these will be more like a normal end crawl. Keep them there for now, but we’re going to be replacing them.