Class Notes 3/27/08
Overall Thoughts on Cut:
- Like the characters better this cut
- Humor is coming across better
- Jesse is working better – see he likes Soledad
- Rules of Timer are clearer in this cut
- Want to see Jesse — zeroing out
71-72 Jesse and Soledad in Room
- Should we cut it to show more interest from Soledad in Jesse?
- How does Soledad’s scene in the dentist chair impact scene 71-72 if we change it?
- Norm: Lets take a look at changing 71-72 to show more interest from both Jesse and Soledad
What did break in this Cut?
- Some part of Scene 85 needs to go back into the film?
- Do we need running joke of Telemarketer? Or is what we have in this cut enough?
- 92 “Age ain’t nothing but a number up against 96 boobs and birthdays is rough and hits the same beat back to back
- 93 Dan/Steph/Dutch needs a few lines back in (keep out back story about Dutch) keep jokes between Steph and Dutch take out it is so much easier when they just…..
What is working:
- We don’t need to see Mikey give note to Jesse
- 92 Age ain’t… after 94 Oona/Marion argue
- Like taking out 98 Ona/steph leave Shady Pines early
Look at:
- 96 Oona talk about boobs — look at and see if anything to trim but make sure that we still give Oona something to get mad at
- Need to take out “What did you do with my egg” from Tracy section Scene 35
- Look at Oona running on the track in Tracy’s section
- News Montage?
- Long?
- Try doing news stuff with title cards
- Put the years on there so we understand the timeline
Music
- Like Music at end and when Oona and Mikey are in bed 48-53
- Start music later in 119 — look for lean forward moments to put music in
- 26 – Jesse gets timer music could start as they start to lean in to see what is going to happen — there might not be room for music
- Music and dialogue — sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t
- Coming out of the bar and going into the bedroom lets look for a place in the song without lyrics so it moves into score
- Be aware of the lyrics and what they are saying about the characters
- 96-97 brining in music to early? Can we accent this emotional moment with music?
4 responses so far ↓
midnightjester87 // March 27, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I don’t have much time right now to give a lot of feedback, but I figured I would make my comment that Norm decided to cut off to go to his precious meeting. All I was going to say, regarding the rearrangement of scenes such that Oona and Steph go to get their Timers removed after the orthodontist appointment with Soledad, is that it felt weird to me because Oona getting the Timer removed has always seemed more impulsive to me than a well thought out decision. It felt like a natural extension of having just been told that they could be removed by the woman she meets when she sees her father. So, when I saw it in today’s cut it felt like an oddly delayed response, making me stretch to think back to the woman saying that she got it removed. I think I have always thought it impulsive partially because of the dialogue at the beginning of the scene where Oona and Steph get it removed. Something about Steph’s excitement about it seems impulsive rather than a conclusion come to after long thought and considering both sides of an argument.
pfonarev // March 30, 2008 at 6:29 pm
My comments might be a little specific and nitpicky, so take them with a grain of salt (also I’m only posting the ones I can actually decipher from my scrawl).
-Scene 26 When Jesse feels guilty and apologizes, after Oona’s outburst, it feels a bit strange. I think that we may need a CU of Oona reacting to the shocking news and her “That’s bullshit!” in order to motivate Jesse’s reaction to her reaction.
- Scene 44 There was some off mic sound and an off mic reading that gets cut off.
-Scene 56 Before Steph pokes Oona awake, she walks around the bed. I think that we could lose some of the head of this shot and get into the action quicker.
-Scene 61/62 I think Mom’s line “Jesse, is that her!?” would be funnier if she said it while Jesse was still talking to the girl, mortifying him that much more.
-Scene 64 We need a punch/slap sound for when Oona defends herself against Mikey to motivate his shock at being hit.
- Scene 86 The apology scene seemed a bit too soon after Oona and Mikey’s big argument. I think that we already discussed this in class.
-Scene 119 We need to hear a water boiling sound to motivate Mikey’s grab at the hot pot and burning himself. Also, Oona talks about getting her Timer removed but I think that it’d be more effective to actually see the bandage.
That’s it for now.
tracywren // March 30, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Thanks Paul, going to try a reaction shot of Oona in scene 26 - the one you mentioned.
I feel the opening of the Timer store scene - once they go inside - could be shortened. More specifically, once the guy (Brian?) reclines on the chair, it slows down and we see the back of Matchmaker Patti. Then it picks up again. The moment feels weak to me and that seems dangerous at the beginning of a feature.
Also, in the same scene I would try cutting Oona’s line that “Moot is better” “Better” is too ambiguous and makes her seem kind of like an asshole! I like the other lines about ‘moot’ just not that one.
Is there any way to cut out some of the dialogue about the new cleaning lady not speaking a word of English? It seems as if Marion is making fun of her.
Are there more wide shots that could be sprinkled in?
Overall, liking the film more now…!
samchidley // March 31, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Here are my notes from class:
Scene 4 outside Timer store. There’s one point in the conversation, somewhere around “OK you like me right?” that feels like she’s responding to something we don’t see. I think it’s supposed to be in response to his hesitation but I’m not sure that’s coming across.
Kelly, I’m sure that you’re going to hate me for saying this, but there’s still at least one timer insert that really jumps. In my notes I wrote it down as the second timer shot but i can’t remember. Just look for a cut to an insert that’s not motivated by an eyeline.
Scene 20 in the supermarket worked pretty well for me. The only suggestion I have concerns the part where they both scratch their heads showing their timers. It seemed like you were trying to make this seem like some sort of subtle unspoken social ritual, and it felt like I got that but only in retrospect. I think the intention of his action scratching his head would be more clear if maybe you just held on these shot a little longer or used some stolen looks to give it a little more weight.
Scene 22 I think there’s at least one too many cuts to Steph’s back when she’s by the closet.
Scene 27 outside supermarket through asking out Mikey: I don’t think Cat Stevens is the way to go here. The tone felt wrong, and on top of that the lyrics “looking for a hard headed woman” could either imply that Oona is hard headed or that she herself is looking for a hard headed woman. Regardless, it pulled me out.
Also during the scene where she asks him out, i would consider cutting out the part where Mikey asks her to repeat into the loudspeaker and just let him run out with her. I don’t think he’d be secure enough with her at this point to give her a hard time, especially when we see how eager he is when he does run out.
Section 4 scenes 48-53 or around there, the sex scene with roommate interruption, this scene is working better all the time, I think its much better without the lesbian line which was never very funny. One cut that didn’t exactly work for me was the cut to the roommate who used to say “pussy.” it’s just a cut to him looking smug and I’m not sure I get it.
Scene 79 Dan and Steph at bar: main thing that really brought me out was the intercut to Oona and Mikey playing. It felt so short that I wasn’t sure why I was seeing it. Just needs a little room to breathe.
Scene 101: I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this but it sounds like Delphine says “Rick Arding?” instead of “Recording?” It’s especially confusing since the guys name is Rick and Oona’s next line is “No its not like that.” That being said i don’t know what I expect you to do about it. Do all the takes sound that way?
the decision to have the timers removed feels a little lost to me.
Also in the timer removal scene, I miss the manager joke.
scene 117 the argument in front of Dan: the crowd walla goes on forever and is really distracting. It feels out of place during such an emotional moment. I really like how you’re playing the end of this scene though.
That’s all I got at the moment. Good luck everybody!
You must log in to post a comment.