USC’s Advanced Editing

I was going to add these as a comment in the other post, but they got too long — surprise, surprise. So I’ll put them in here now.

There aren’t very many notes already posted and some of what is already up there seems a bit slight, so I’m going to kick in with a few here as well. The point is that, without deep self-analysis, the recutting process doesn’t work.

Scene 4-5

This scene seems a little flat, as if we stripped some of the sense of humor out. The cut into the backroom scene seems a bit abrupt and I wonder if we’re playing enough of the humor on Oona here.

The news montage needs work. I’m thinking that we should take it all out and see if we lose the information. The titles that I had Coyote import for you might help you get into and out of the pieces so they’re more voice over than visual, so give that a try first. Still, I’m thinking that, for this screening, let’s try and take everything out and see what falls apart. DO put the titles in, however.

Scene 15.
What would happen if we cut out everything with Trevor and cut out of the scene after Oona and STeph hang up on each other. Find a funny button. I don’t think we learn anything from the Trevor section of the scene that we don’t already know from the first half. The only thing we’d lose is the very small gag of the panties.

Scene 20
I’m still confused by the closeup of the TiMER. Can you make it so Mikey lifts up his hand and, after she sees his TiMER, she lifts up her hand to show him hers. Make it more conscious an action.

Scene 21
Let’s begin the scene with the television already on. She’s watching the Discovery Channel, or she is watching something else (sound only) and then changes the channel. Also, when the hunter on the television turns around, cut to Oona as if he’s looking at her.

Scene 22
I have a note here to cut the cat stuff out entirely. But didn’t we do that already? If not, get rid of it for this cut.

Scene 24
Lose Marion’s line about “Brian wasn’t your one.”

The 180 degree line cross bothers me on one cut.

Scene 26
The cutting in this scene seems a bit choppy to me.

The “I’m not gay” has never gotten a laugh. let’s see what happens if we cut it out. Lets also lose the “head between your knees Mom” line, since that feels clunky here.

I’m still struggling to find Oona’s place in this — surrounded by a kooky family that is concerned about the status quo — that is, making sure that everyone has a TiMER. We also want to see Marion’s investment in the TiMER.

Scene 27-29
I’m missing some of the notes from last time. We still seem to hang too long on Oona in the car. I still want to see Mikey taken by surprise by Oona’s first line to him. And I also still think we can lose Nelson’s line. I also would like to see what happens if we turn the music leading into the scene into Muzak when we enter the supermarket. Right now the music ducking in and around the action feels Mickey Mouse’d.

Scene 32-34
This is a good first cut on the new scene but it needs cleaning up. For one thing, the first shot should be the punchline to the joke at the end of the exterior scene. “I’m pretty sure they’re out” BOOM. There they are. Sitting there. It takes too long to get to the interior. Get out as soon as you can after his last line outside. Then cut to the roommates first and then to Oona in shock. This is not what she’s counted on. Allow the silent moment to play and then Mikey jumps in to save it.

Can we see him say “That’s Retch.” I lose it now.

I feel that there should be a reaction to “Whoa.”

Once we get inside the bedroom I’d still like to see what she sees more quickly. Right now I’m not tracking the beginning of her regret.

Scene 35
This dream shouldn’t have her asking about the egg — that comes later. I doubt that you need to hold on the wide shot long enough to get her up out of bed.

Running on Track
I had asked you to put a cheated shot from scene 3 in here. Maybe the sound of breathing can precede the cut. Maybe you only need the low angle wide shot of the track, then she enters and run away from us?

Scene 38-43
I think we need to see more of Oona talking about Mom setting her up on a date.

I also think we need to see more back and forth between the old lady and Steph.

Scene 44
Good first cut, but we really need to focus this scene now.

It takes a very long time to come around to Mikey after Oona stumbles and notices him.

There’s a jump cut on Oona’s shot as Mikey is asking her the question about braces. But I’d also like to see him during some of the question.

The “hang out” line sets up her line later where she asks him to hang out, so can we see that on camera?

I feel the need to see Mikey a bit more than I do right now. It’s great to focus on Oona, but we need to see what it is that she’s reacting to in order to get her smile and her other reactions.

Much of Oona’s inner psyche is set up in this scene so we should make sure that we get her reasons for turning him down.

Scene 45
WE need a funnier button to this scene.

Scene 48-53
Lets lose the entire Bangles joke. Not the first mention, but the second one at the doorway. Let’s see if we can get out of the scene much earlier, and get into the bedroom more quickly.

The start of the romantic music seems a bit forced. Why don’t you bring the score music in as Oona looks at Mikey, not on his shot. The start of music accents the moment and I’d like to see if we can accent her.

Scene 56
The transition to this is problematic. I like moving the scene here, but we need something to bridge the two bed scenes, otherwise we’ll think we’re in the same room. Exterior of Oona’s??

Scene 54
Where did Margaret go? She needs to exit.

Scene 59
Let’s cut out this hallway walk altogether and just have the women pick him up from school.

Scene 60
Start the scene with the closeup of the radio and the voice over filtered so we nail that joke.

The scene will be helped if you add some sound effects of driving.

Scene 61-62
Add some sound of the car pulling up.

Scene 63
Keep the beeping going longer, underneath the kids looking at each other.

The end of the scene seems to peter out.

Scene 65
Try and lose the “number five” bit and have her approach him directly.

Montage
You had a great idea in the additional cut you gave me. This involved simplifying. We’ll also remove Scene 61 and move it into Section 7 (sam’s section). I like ending on the cheering, so see if you can keep that.

We also talked about perhaps cheating the first part of scene 78 into the montage (just a tiny tiny bit of it) since we never show Mikey on top of Oona in that scene. let’s see if we can get away with that.

Scene 70
Try staring on the hi angle WS. This scene is generally too long. See what you can do to tighten it up.

Is there a shot that you can put in to bridge the cut into the next scene of Jessee and Soledad in his room?

Scene 76
Is the “OK yeah” stuff cheated in from another take? It looks out of sync to me.

Scene 78/79
It doesn’t seem like enough time goes by. Is there anything we can do to help the passage of time between these two scenes. Can we still a night exterior shot from somewhere?

SCene 80-83
The music at the end of this scene doesn’t really begin. Let’s do it prominently, but notice the upcoming change.

Scene 85
Let’s lose this scene altogether and see if the running gag wth the telemarketers looks weird. Also, let’s see if there is a motivation for her going back to Mikey.

Scene 87-90
Can we lose the guacomole action? Or, at least, lose the tilt down from the two of them to the chips in the bowl. That way we’ll get to Marion’s “I’m sure” faster.

The drinking after the toast goes on too long.

The interaction with SOledad around her knowing Chuckbeef takes too long. Can you trim out some pauses here? If we could lose the entire upchuck gag that would be great, but if not at least make it happen faster.

Try and take a head trim so he doesn’t cough and go “excuse me”

Do we need the last closeup of Oona in the scene.

Scenes 91ff
We’re going to try a new continuity here. How about this?

We go from the Thanksgiving Dinner to Scene 67 and 91 as a pair. Then go to Scene 93 (a shorter version of this — do we need this much of Dutch?), then 95, then 94, then 92, then 96.

Scene 98
The music in and out is weird. Can the music keep going through the walk up to Rick’s? This will require different music but that’s not bad.

Scene 102
Stay in the wide shot longer.

Get out of the scene before Oona’s exit. Trim a lot of Rick’s story. I’m not sure we need to know that he hasn’t zeroed out yet, for instance.

Scene 103
Put back in the scene with Delphine.

Try and put some transition in before Scene 108

Scene 108-110
Some of the cheated over the shoulder dialogue looks way out of sync.

Scene 104-105
It looks like you could take some cuts at the top of the scene 105.

The music in this scene gets in the way of the dialogue.

AT the lift, could you have Oona turn to Steph.

Scene 106
Whatever music is going on here should keep going all the way though 107 and the LA at night, and Oona’s timer hitting zero and her dream. Then it can be interrupted by the alarm.

Party
The music and walla balance is odd.  The walla sounds especially unreal.

Let’s try and lose the entire scne where Luz talks to Marion.

 Scene 117
I feel the need for more music in here, especially as we go into scene 118 and 119.

Scene 119
Can we look for some music as they’re by the sink.

General Comments

This is just the surface of the questions we can ask ourselves.  I hope you’re beginning to see just what we can be experimenting with in terms of story telling and emotional arcs, so long as we know whose emotions we want to follow